


royally, yours

by skintouch



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Infidelity, Lots of Angst, M/M, Monarchy, No Smut, Open Relationships, Prince Jeno, Slow Burn, Smoking, arguing in almost all scenes lol, aristocrat renjun, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:14:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22111651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skintouch/pseuds/skintouch
Summary: i know i'm not your onlybut at least i'm one --prince jeno is engaged to someone else.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 7
Kudos: 128





	1. promise me

**Author's Note:**

> hi! just a psa: that this universe's Huang Renjun does not reflect the beliefs and values of the real Huang Renjun. (warped ideas of love, romance and commitment) vulgar language is involved, though not too explicit i hope :> partly inspired by the british royal family as well as some sageuks like scarlet heart!!

Jeno wasn't complicated. He _wasn't_. If he was anything, it would be that he's exact, he's permanent and he's explicit. Who he is doesn't change, it will never change. His duty as prince was to be _the_ prince, the heir of the throne, the one to inherit and provide stability for more centuries to come. He isn't complicated, he is... _fated_.

What is complicated though, is them. What they are, what they do, where they stand, and how they feel about each other. It leaves Renjun in isolation sometimes, but everytime it happens Jeno's there to reassure him. _There is only you_.

At this point, Renjun thinks reassurance is all they have. Like it's all Jeno can give him. Jeno, who promised to give him everything he wants, who, on a drunken whim, even promised Renjun that he was to rule the kingdom alongside him when his father finally dies. It's an empty promise, Renjun knows it.

"Is there something on your mind?" Renjun was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't notice Jeno asking him a question over their private dinner.

Renjun snaps out of his thoughts and answers him immediately, "It's nothing."

"I don't think it's nothing, it's clearly bothering you." Jeno presses, reaching for Renjun's hand across the table. Renjun lifts his hand off the table and puts them on his lap. "What is it?"

"I said it's nothing."

"Is this about the engagement?" The second the word came out of Jeno's mouth, Renjun felt like crying. Jeno's engagement to a princess of the neighboring kingdom. They went public two years ago about their relationship, just a week after Jeno turned 18. Although Jeno only met her twice before that. Renjun however, was by his side before he can remember. The King and Queen were _desperate_ to have a child third in line to secure the future of the Royal household. Jeno sighs, "You knew it was going to happen. I told you a month ago, baby."

He did. But it doesn't make it any less painful. The Royals don't waste time, and it's likely that Jeno's going to be hitched within the latter half of the year.

"I know." Renjun says bitterly. He knows it, _and_ _it sucks._

Jeno puts down his cutlery, the knife bumping into his plate and making a horrible noise. He wipes his mouth with a cloth, brows furrowing, thinking about what to say next. "What do you want me to do? Shall we spend some time in the Bahamas and take a breather? I think it'll be good for us."

 _Ah, let's go on a vacation to heal the likely permanent scars in your heart, Renjun. Yes, that will definitely fix everything._ "That's unnecessary, I said it's okay, Jeno."

The tone shifts into a completely different one after Renjun's comment. Suddenly Jeno has his eyes closed for a strangely long amount of time, until Renjun realizes he's trying to hold back his tears. It's hard to do, Renjun would know first hand.

"How could it be? How are you okay with it, when it's tearing me apart? I don't want to get married, Renjun, not to anyone but you." Jeno looks at him sorrowfully, he gets up his seat and kneels by Renjun's side. If only the kingdom knew their prince willfully kneels in front of an average man like Huang Renjun, oh they would go mad. Jeno puts his head on Renjun's side, finally taking his hand. "It kills me that I can't do anything about it."

Renjun doesn't lean into him, not this time. He looks at a particularly boring, golden plated vase next to the boring, golden door. He stares at it with a firm gaze, finding his urge to look at Jeno. If he looks at Jeno, it's game over. He's succumbed, again. "That's exactly why. You can't do anything about it. So it's nonsense if I throw a tantrum, or argue about it with you. I'm not okay with it, but it's okay. Because it is what it is, anyway."

He says, defeated, but also slightly bitter. He's not blaming Jeno, he's blaming everything, his existence, who he is. It was a warped thought, to blame someone for who they are, but not really. Somehow, it all makes sense to Renjun.

At that, Jeno stands up. He looks at Renjun, expecting Renjun to return his stare, but Renjun doesn't. The older boy is firm on staring at the vase. "But you are. You _are_ throwing a tantrum. You haven't replied to me for days, Renjun. I only had the chance to speak to you today. I wasn't even expecting you to come to here, Mark told me only today that I had an appointment."

 _Appointment_. Like Renjun was a statesman, a royal of another country visiting the kingdom, or even a _fucking_ actress on the rise. "I don't want to argue, Jeno."

Renjun gets off his seat, starting to make his way towards their private quarters for a much needed rest. Jeno of course, follows him. This conversation isn’t done yet, at least for him.

"Do you think I live off of arguments? Your silent treatment... We have no choice but to deal with this by being adults, Renjun." He sounds frustrated because _he is_. But it’s how Renjun’s dealt with everything in his life, by giving them silence until he can pretend like his problems don’t exist anymore. But somehow, when it’s a particularly gloomy day and it’s raining, it all comes back to him, tearing him down piece by piece, limb by limb.

"Deal with this?" Now he’s frustrated too. What he hates the most is argument, but he’s in one right now. With the love of his life. But he’s _hurt_ , and he can’t help it. "Tell me Jeno, how the fuck do we deal with this?

"We don't have to deal with this. We can't fucking fix it. I just have to _live with it._ " He spits out, "Forever."

Jeno grabs his arm, forcing him now to look at him. He sees Jeno with glossy eyes and furrowed brows, like he doesn't know what to do and he doesn’t have anything else to say that can fix the situation. "Then be _selfish_. Leave me. I've given you numerous chances to walk out the door, out of this relationship and into another one with another man. But you never did. You know why? Because you love me."

 _Fuck_ love. Fuck it. Fuck how it makes us do stupid things, and it some cases, make us stupid people. Love is fucking dumb. As dumb as it is, it's also hard as hell.

"Do you? Do you _still_?" Jeno looks desperate, some tears escaping from his eyes now. Like he asked that question because he genuinely doesn’t know or genuinely has doubted it.

"Yes, Jeno, I still do. And I hate it." _Because it makes love hard for me._ "Sometimes I just wish you weren't a prince, but an average working man, maybe even a college student studying accountancy or some shit. I love you, but fuck your status."

"My mother would have your head if she heard what you just said." Jeno attempts to make the atmosphere light, and it works. Renjun lets him pull him into a hug, with Jeno petting his hair and soothing his back. "But I completely agree with you."

Jeno sighs, defeated too. In this situation, Renjun’s learned that no one _ever_ wins. "I wish we could just be together."

They make way towards the private quarters where Jeno's bed resides. Some of his servants see them walking hand in hand, but they pay no attention to it. They greet Jeno, your Royal Highness, but only say Sir towards Renjun. Everytime this happens, Renjun thinks Jeno should give them a raise. It's not easy hiding the fact that the Prince was first of all, gay, and that he's having an affair with his childhood friend. If newspapers and tabloids get a hold of this, not only will Jeno's titles be stripped away from him, but he'd also be humiliated. Their choice (or obligation at this point) to keep their mouths shut have saved the couple many times from public outing. _Thanks_ , Renjun keeps in his mind.

Before they enter the quarters, Jeno's private secretary, Mark Lee, stops them in their tracks. "Prince Jeno, your mother, the Queen, has just arrived. She's in the east wing."

Renjun's hand immediately lets go of Jeno's, but he doesn't hide behind a curtain or run to the nearest room and lock himself in. He knows the drill, greet the Queen and have a little chat. The Queen, in her old age, is clueless about their romance and frankly, should stay that way.

They move to the east wing where a servant greets them and opens the door. He announces their arrival and they bow as a sign of gratitude and politeness. Though polite, Jeno makes fun of the servant’s unique accent and imitates him, causing Renjun to laugh.

“I see my boys are still the best friends that they are, only now that they’re grown, dashing men.” The Queen watches the two enter the room, filling it with joy. _Best friends_ , Renjun almost snorts. _We're the best of friends, alright_.

The two sit down on the golden couch, Jeno taking a seat next to his mother. The Queen turns to Renjun, “Boy, how’s your grandmother?”

He smiles, she always starts with this question without fail. “She’s doing fine, Auntie. She uses Netflix nowadays, courtesy of my account of course.”

“Oh, Renjun.” She laughs, covering her mouth as she does it. She takes Jeno's hand, looking at him lovingly. “My dear Jeno’s just popped the question last week, did you know?"

"Yes, Auntie. I heard from Jeno himself," _He told me with tears in his eyes, saying that the King forced him to._

The Queen smiles again, this time with her teeth. She squeezes his hand, proudly sharing, "He loves her so much, don't you, darling?"

Jeno coughs, slightly tapping Renjun's foot. _I'm sorry_. Renjun taps it back, _it's okay._ "Yes of course, ma."

The meeting went on for 10 more minutes, until the Queen had to go somewhere in the west wing, where the King is. She went on and on about her plans on Jeno's wedding, how she wants it to be held at the biggest cathedral of the kingdom, live-streamed, costing millions, no doubt.

After that, Renjun and his lover moved to the palace's attic, where they have total privacy. Almost. Mark Lee follows them everywhere of course, but he stops at the door. Jeno tells him, "Please inform me when my parents are on sight. Thank you, Mark."

"Of course, your Majesty." With that, he closed the door and they now, have perfect, total privacy. The attic is dark and cramped (at least for a palace), it's not dusty but it's not awfully tidy either. What it is though, is hidden. After six staircases, the next one being narrower than the previous, almost nobody visits this room. Nobody until Renjun and Jeno, drunk as hell, happened to stumble across it when they secretly stole a bottle from the King's secret alcohol stash.

They bask in their silence, enjoying each other's company. Renjun always hummed songs under his breath and Jeno always found them delightful. A couple of minutes of peaceful silence passed by when Jeno first spoke up.

"You know that I love you, right?" Jeno's starting to sweat in his royal garments, so he takes them off and places them on a rotting chair nearby. He makes his way to Renjun who's staring out the window, overlooking the kingdom's forest. Snaking his arms around his tiny waist, he whispers, "because I love you so very much."

"I'm aware," Renjun turns around and pecks Jeno on the lips. "I love you too, even though I try not to."

"You try not to love me?" Jeno kisses his neck, each of his words sending goosebumps into the other's skin. Renjun hums yes. "I'm sorry."

"I realize I don't say it much. But you put up with all of it, all my imperfections and restrictions. I'm sorry and thank you, my love."

Renjun hums again. They begin swaying to a silent track, lost in their world. It makes him laugh almost, the sheer ridiculousness of it all, until Jeno presses a kiss behind his ear. Renjun makes a sound after it, and Jeno's hands make his way to his lower back. They stay like that, swaying, hugging, kissing, and they eventually reach a creaky couch sitting nearby. They fall into it with locked lips, Jeno's hands already on Renjun's expensive shirt buttons.

It's still surreal how Jeno, the heir of this entire kingdom, managed to be Renjun's boyfriend. It hits him sometimes over dinner or when he's signing documents, or even when he's at a social event, taking hits of cheap cigarettes. He wonders when it all happened, when he started to fall in love with him, when they started to love each other.

Maybe it started when Jeno came out to him unknowingly when they were young. The younger boy ran towards Renjun across the playground looking horrified. "Renjun! That girl just touched my hand!"

"And?" Renjun asked, because if that's the only thing that happened, then he shouldn't be reacting like he's just stepped on a puppy or something.

Jeno's foot digs on the grass, seeming embarrassed. "And I didn't like it."

Renjun, who used to be a little taller than Jeno, took him in his arms and hugged him. "It's okay, you don't have to like it."

The Queen was there in front of them, watching the boys play with their fellow aristocrat friends. She probably looked at them warmly.

Or maybe it was when they were fourteen, watching a teen flick. They were both disgusted when the main actors locked lips, covering their eyes with their thick, fleece blankets. They saw how the actors smiled and looked at each other after they kissed, the actress blushing like a bride.

"That looks uncomfortable," Jeno starts. His lips were in a pout and he fully tucks himself in his bed. "Kissing is so weird."

Renjun replies nonchalantly, "Not that weird, if you ask me."

The younger boy's eyes widened instantly, and he rose to face his friend. "You've tried?"

"Yeah, Jaemin and I kissed all the time." Again, Renjun says nonchalantly. Jaemin was his 'boyfriend' after all, so it's natural to just kiss all the time. Renjun hasn't kissed anyone all spring though, since they broke up in February. When Jaemin all of a sudden, was magically only into girls. Renjun scoffed when he found out. 

For Jeno, it wasn't natural. Plus the fact that he had no clue about their relationship. "What?"

"What." The movie was ending and the credits just started playing, so Renjun reaches over Jeno and grabs the remote. He turns the TV off, with Jeno still looking at him like an alien.

"Why didn't I know about this! Renjun!" Jeno hits him with a feather filled pillow. 

Renjun hits him back harder and Jeno helps, causing his nanny to knock on the door. Jeno yells _everything's fine!_ "You don't have to know everything about me, Jeno. We're done anyway, I'm better off with someone who's actually gay."

"Did you like it? Kissing, I mean." Jeno looks at him with his big doe eyes and Renjun furrows his brows, forming an opinion. 

He comes up with, "It was okay." 

There was a moment of silence, where Renjun thinks Jeno's disappointed. He ponders for a bit and asks Renjun, "Do you think I'd like it?"

Renjun hums, he obviously wouldn't know unless he travels to the future and asks an older, more experienced Jeno. So he says, "I think it depends on who you're kissing to be honest. Don't kiss anyone who hasn't kissed someone else, most likely there'll be teeth involved."

At the mention of teeth, Jeno scrunches his nose disgusted at the information. He kicks Renjun under the sheets. "Jeez, thanks for the advice, Renjun."

At that point, Renjun was experiencing puberty, and he just broke up with his boyfriend, so you can't blame him when he suggests something.

He leans over until Jeno's face is only an inch away, and he whispers, like it's a challenge he desperately wants Jeno to take on. "Why, you wanna try?"

Jeno shrugs, trying to be as cool with it as possible. "As long as you're okay with it, I guess." He wasn't cool with it, his heart almost fell to the ground when their lips met, he confesses to Renjun several years later, months after they've made it official.

or maybe, just maybe, it was on the day where they _made it official_.

But it can't be, because Renjun was already so enamored with Jeno's whole being, that when he asked him he felt like it was the natural thing to do, never really felt pressured or anything.

"Are you my boyfriend?" Jeno asks between kisses. They've never really talked about it; Renjun or Jeno came over every weekend to read some literature, or go horseback riding, or even just watch yet another teen flick, until one thing led to another and they've found themselves unable to go half an hour without kissing. They haven't had the opportunity.

Boyfriend was a big word, Renjun's learned. Kids at school threw it around like it was nothing, boys asking other boys to be their boyfriend over text, or slipping it into easy conversation. Not Renjun. He wanted to ask Jeno to be his in the most formal way possible, when he's felt like the time is right and he's ready, when they both are.

"Not yet." Renjun replies and he kisses Jeno's cheek before returning to a book he'd been reading. "Someday, we will be. Boyfriends, I mean."

That someday came sooner than expected, Renjun having personally picked a bouquet of roses to give to the Prince when he asks him to be his boyfriend only a week after their previous conversation. He planned it on Wednesday and did it the following Saturday, it was quick but it wasn't rushed. It was meticulously planned by Huang Renjun.

They rode by horses to the kingdom's forest, where they've found a common place to meet whenever the other feels stressed or overwhelmed. Renjun expected it to be sunny, but the skies are quickly turning gray and he fears rainfall will come every second. He gets off his horse and urges Jeno to do the same, only to face the opposite direction. "Don't take a peek!"

Jeno, giggling, obviously complied. Renjun had left the bouquet of flowers and a humble picnic a few hours before, and he checks the things before he makes his way towards Jeno, blindfolding him with his hands.

The 17 year olds were giggling like little kids on the way to the picnic and Jeno nearly tripped, narrowly missing a view of the surprise. "I didn't see it, I promise!"

Renjun laughs, "I believe you."

"I'm taking my hands off now, but keep your eyes shut, okay?"

Okay, Jeno mumbles. Renjun rushes to grab the bouquet and make sure everything's perfect, before telling Jeno, "Open your eyes in 3... 2... 1!"

When Jeno opened his eyes, they were brimmed with tears. " _Oh, Renjun!_ "

"What!"

"This is all too much!" Quite not the reaction Renjun was aiming for. Jeno looked frantic, he rushed to the picnic and began opening the sandwich boxes. He was already taking a sip of water when Renjun grabbed his hand, making him stand up.

"I haven't even said what I was supposed to say yet," Renjun complains. Jeno realizes and giggles, urging him to go on. "I've forgotten it, dummy!"

At that, Jeno laughs out loud and envelopes Renjun into a tight hug. He soothes his back, his hand going up and down. "Just get to it."

It makes Renjun laugh too, because his equally meticulously planned out speech just got blown into the wind. So he settles, "Jeno, will you be my boyfriend?"

Renjun was expecting a loud yes, deafening, but it's not what he gets. Instead, Jeno murmurs a soft _of course_ , next to his ear and proceeds to hug him tighter.

Their make out session lasted for ages, until Mark Lee knocks on the door, disrupting them. "Sir, I just got word that his Royal Highness visited your quarters to find you missing. He told his secretary to get you to bed this instant, as you have an important event tomorrow morning."

"Is he still there?" Jeno shouts. 

Mark Lee opens the door, retreating a bit when he's got a glance of the prince with his shirt off. "I believe he is, your Majesty."

"Shit." Jeno mutters, and Renjun gets dressed immediately. He helps Jeno put his layers of clothes on hastily, until he sees that he's put a red, barely noticeable hickey on Jeno's neck that he's afraid his collar's not going to be able to hide.

"Baby," he traces the mark and Jeno catches his reflection in the mirror. "Sorry."

"It's fine, if they take notice then I'll just say it's from her, don't worry." Jeno kisses his forehead, reassuring him.

Renjun worries, "But it wasn't there when we met the Queen, Jeno."

"I'll tell them it was there, you worry wart." He places a kiss on Renjun's lips this time. "Now, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

The older boy nods, and they kiss for the last time. He watches Jeno pass the door, walking to his quarters with Mark Lee. Renjun sighs, out of exhaustion or disappointment, he doesn't know.

They eventually see each other in Renjun's castle. His family is fairly rich, his grandfather having played a part in the kingdom's politics.

Being orphaned at a young age, Renjun only has his grandparents by his side. They said they passed away on a plane crash, but he suspects not. When he was a teen, he turned to the internet for answers. But the internet only gave him more mysteries to solve, citing that his parents may have eloped to a different continent during the war.

So he stopped trying. He grew up without their presence, he's a person completely formed by his own experiences. His grandparents raised him, spoiled him even, anyway.

Having grandparents and a castle also means that he has more privacy than any other aristocrat in the kingdom. Jeno comes over all the time, and he thinks they know about their relationship, but they never say anything. They deal with it, they had to deal with it when Renjun was still young, bringing different chaps almost every summer.

But for four summers now, Jeno's the only one he's brought home. His grandparents look at him proudly, even asking Renjun about Jeno over their daily brunches. He always replies in the same way, _he's splendid._

_Boop_. He wakes up from a soft touch on his nose. Another _boop_. He groans, rolling over from his bed. He peeks from one eye, and there was Jeno, still in a suit. He groans once again.

"Why are you here so early?"

"Why do you reek of alcohol?" Jeno pouts his lips at him, give me a kiss. He kisses him anyway, even though he just complained about his stench.

"I have to do something to make the pain a tiny bit bearable," Renjun reaches over his bedside table to retrieve a pack of cigarettes. He lights it up with a lighter beside it. Sucking, polluting his lungs.

Jeno moves off his bed and towards Renjun, snatching his cigarette from him, taking a huff for himself. Renjun scowls, "Hey."

"Hey, too." Jeno takes another huff before handing it back to Renjun. "How drunk were you? I was trying to call you, but."

Renjun thinks, navigating around his mind to recover the memories from last night. He left the palace nearing 10 pm, went home to change, and immediately left to party at the upper East side of the city. He remembers seeing Chenle and Jisung, but that's about it.

Until he remembers something else, "Drunk enough to call my ex?"

Jeno clicks his tongue, disapproving. "Which one?"

"You make it sound like _I have a ton_." Renjun takes another huff, doing rings like a rebel teenager.

"You do."

He gives up, "It was Jaemin."

At the mention of his name, Jeno tenses up. He knows about Jaemin and Renjun's complicated relationship, on and off, Jaemin couldn't settle whether he wanted Renjun or not. It always rubbed Jeno the wrong way, because unlike him, he wants Renjun _all the time_.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Out of all your exes, really? What did you talk about anyway?" Renjun wanted to talk about Jeno's tone of disbelief when he asked out of all your exes, _what's wrong with Jaemin?_ He's like, one of the richest, hottest motherfuckers Renjun's ever dated. 

"I don't know. I probably asked him to go where I was, because I have faint memories of seeing his face. I may have sat on his lap. Gave him a few kisses," Renjun finishes the stick and burns it off in an ashtray also on his bedside table. "You know, the usual."

He knows Jeno's uncomfortable, he knows he's jealous. But he also knows he can't say anything about it. Because he's engaged to someone else, _for Christ's sake._

"Yeah, I know." Jeno sulks. "Let's have breakfast, love."

Renjun massages his temples, groaning at the mere thought. "First of all, it's brunch now. Second, baby, if I eat now, I'm just gonna vomit it out. I think I'm still a bit drunk, you see."

He sees Jeno's lips go into a pout, and his eyes turn into a doe's. He gives up, "Fine, I'll watch you."

Jeno finally smiles.

"Dude, I honestly don't remember a thing from Bart's." Renjun complains, his voice still a little hoarse. He's on a video call with Jaemin. "Care to recall? Jeno's with me by the way."

He pans the phone towards Jeno, who waves his fork at Jaemin. He puts on a fake, forced smile and Renjun's aware. "What's up, my prince?"

"Nothing much, Jaemin. How's the estate?"

"Beautiful as ever. Filled." _With half siblings,_ Renjun assumes. _Or his father's numerous wives._ "Anyway, Renjun, you moron. You were wasted as hell."

Renjun chuckles at that. "How drunk?"

The youngest of the three laughs out loud, recalling his memories. "You were flirting with the bartender. When you were sober, you used to tell me he was a four on a _good_ day."

Jeno can't help but laugh too. Renjun rolls his eyes when he notices, "what, is that funny to you, prince?"

He answers simply with a chuckle. Jaemin resumes his story, "I offered to drive you home as soon as I'm done making out with this smoking hot girl, but you demanded, _yes demanded!_ , that I take you home right at that moment. You were so fucking embarrassing and irritating. I hated you last night."

The older sneers, " _I_ _bet_. You had your fucking tongue down my throat, loser."

Jeno coughs. Renjun senses he crossed a line, so he quickly says goodbye to Jaemin without being obvious. The prince was wiping his mouth, getting ready to leave, when Renjun placed his hand over his.

"You okay?" Jeno brushes up his hair over the same hand Renjun just reached over to hold. Renjun rolls his eyes again, expecting the worst. 

"How can I be? You should've went on, Jun." He must've hit a nerve, because Jeno looks mad. He is. "Tell me all about it, tell me how you _fucked_ him."

Renjun, who was in the middle of lighting a cigarette, snaps his head towards Jeno. " _Fuck_? Who said anything about fucking him?"

"Didn't you?"

"I didn't, for your information, your Royal Highness." He knew he didn't have to explain or defend himself about this, especially discussing other parties with Lee Jeno, who's supposedly engaged to a woman approaching 30. Yet he's here, in Renjun's castle. Having brunch.

And yet, also, he manages to raise his voice at him. "Don't call me that when we're having an argument. We're having an argument as Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun, not-"

"Not what? Prince Jeno, heir of the throne, most powerful bachelor in this land, and Huang Renjun, a below average fuck up?" Renjun doesn't back down.

"I didn't say that."

"But you thought it."

"Never!" Raising his voice, he stands up from the table. Renjun's servants could probably hear them. "Y-You're putting words in my mouth, Renjun."

In Renjun's mind, he's not. In his intoxicated mind, he's not. His intoxicated, fucked up mind also can't produce working rational brain cells at the moment, so he only comes up with, "Fuck you."

The younger boy smiles sadly. He brushes his hair with his fingers again, his mop turning into a mess. "Fuck you too. I went over here to spend some time with you-"

Renjun cuts him off, "To fuck me?"

"No!" Jeno screams. He stutters, scrambling to form the perfect words. "T-to spend time with you, quality time, I hope'd we take a walk, go on the canoe, even ride a horse towards the forest-"

"And then fuck me. In the forest."

"No." He's irritated now, frustrated at him. "Can you sober up so I can talk to the real Renjun?"

But Renjun's stubborn. He's being unreasonable, and somewhere in his mind, he's aware of it all. "This is the real Renjun. You're looking right at him."

Jeno gives up. "It's not. I'm not. Please sober up." He moves towards the door and slams it. Renjun hears footsteps going upstairs, Jeno's probably on the castle's balcony. He's probably breathing in fresh air, God knows he needs it.

But right now, Renjun needs another cigarette.

He sees Jeno later on in the day, laying on his bed, scrolling through his phone. He sees Renjun when the door creaks, Renjun looking apologetic.

Renjun starts it off, as he should. He's in a much better mood now that he's completely sober; now that's he's taken a steaming hot shower that calmed his nerves. He had time to think about how shitty he was to Jeno during brunch, so he says, "I'm sorry."

Almost immediately, Jeno replies, "it's okay."

"No it's not," Renjun creeps towards the bed, kicking off his bedroom slippers. He puts the legs on either side of Jeno's waist, hands already on the other's chest. "Let me make it up to you."

Renjun starts kissing up Jeno's neck, his hands working on his shirt's buttons. He sits on Jeno's lap. When his hips move a bit, they create friction and Jeno immediately halts. "Renjun."

But Renjun doesn't stop. He doesn't even pause. Until Jeno places a firm grasp on his hips, that's when he takes a look at his face. "What?"

"Are you going to drink again?"

Renjun gets off of his lap, sulking. "Probably. Why?"

Jeno faces him. He boops his nose, hoping to ease his mood, Renjun guesses. "When?"

Sighing, Renjun's decides to tell him the truth. "When you leave, most likely."

"What if I don't?" Jeno reaches around Renjun's bedside drawer for a stick. He stands up and lights it, looking out Renjun's window. The sun's starting to set. "Leave, I mean."

Renjun quickly follows him, lighting a cigarette of his own. He bumps Jeno's shoulder, making the other laugh a little. "What, are you going to join us?"

"Why not?" Jeno shrugs. Renjun's jaw is on the floor, _what the fuck?_

He reminds him, "Jeno, the tabloids are going to go insane."

Sucking on the cigarette, Jeno once again, shrugs. "So?"

If the first reminder wasn't clear, this next one surely would make him realize that it's a bad idea. "You're _engaged_. What if her family sees?"

Jeno shrugs, "So?" Renjun stares at him ridiculously. _Who is this bastard in front of me?_ He asks himself. Jeno presses, "Can I come with?"

The older boy just laughs. He takes a whiff of his cig, laughing, "You're fucking annoying."

His Royal Highness laughs too, "I'll take that as a yes. Let's leave by 8."

"10." Renjun shakes his head and insists. 8 is like midday, at least for his crowd.  
  


Renjun is dressed in a simple polo, two buttons undone, wearing a single earring. Jeno however, is in a knit vest and slacks. When they were about to leave, Renjun prevented Jeno from getting into the car dressed like a politician. So he made him borrow on of his shirts, it was a bit tight, but that made him all the more sexier. In the end, Jeno arrived at the club in a silk polo shirt, three buttons undone, matched with black skinny jeans with appropriate rips on the knees.

"You look sexy," Renjun whispers in Jeno's ear at the backseat of his limo. He wants his hands on him everywhere, it almost makes him order his driver to stop on a gutter for 15 minutes. He's that sexy. "My man."

"You look ravishing too, if I'm being honest."

Renjun inches closer to Jeno, "Kiss me."

Jeno hesitates, because they were almost in the city, meaning more people, more reporters. But Renjun reassured him that the windows are deeply tinted, so they kiss. It doesn't escalate into more, to Renjun's disappointment.

It was Friday, so the club was packed. That's to be expected. But Renjun and Jeno weren't average guests, they were VVIP wherever they go. They made their way inside the club, Bart's again, without holding hands. There was a little press outside but mostly they captured stares from similarly aged people waiting outside the club. Average people without titles.

"Your Royal Highness," Renjun almost vomits at the waiter's nervousness. Renjun was a regular at Bart's, he's seen this waiter a few times but he's never had him stutter quite in the way Jeno's making him. "w-what would you like to order?"

Jeno looks bewildered, of course he does. It's his first, real club. Not a club organized by his mother as a way of the Royal couple making same aged friends and experiencing the normal life of their roaring twenties. Renjun takes the initiative, "Your strongest drink please. Two, on the rocks."

The music is loud, the waiter barely hears. Still he does, and he makes his way to the club's bar. He yells over the music, "I think Chenle has a booth!"

"What?"

Renjun raises his voice a little bit, hoping that Jeno'd hear him now. " _I said_ , Zhong Chenle has a booth! Across the dance floor!"

The younger boy thankfully gets the message, pointing to where Chenle's supposed to be. "Let's go!"

They squeeze their way towards the booths and they see the blond right away. He's with Jisung, his long time boyfriend. It seems like they've been here a while, taking account of the pile of empty shot glasses in the middle of the table. Renjun waves at them and Jisung immediately waves back, pointing to an empty space across. They seem slightly surprised that Renjun brought the literal prince, "My goodness!"

"H-hey," Jeno waves. Renjun nudges him, whispering don't be so awkward, they're friends, into his ear.

Renjun sits down across Jisung, urging Jeno to sit next to him. He does, obediently. He keeps looking around looking like a fucking tourist, making it real obvious that he's not used to an environment like this one. "Jeno here, hasn't been to a real club ever. So lads, mind if we make his first time his best time?"

They hoot for him and agree, at the same time their drinks arrive. Renjun urges for a cheers, raising their glasses. He sees Jeno down his cocktail and pats him on the back, telling him to take it slow. He does, once again, obediently.

Half an hour later, Jeno and Renjun on their second cocktails respectively, Chenle orders a round of shots, two for each person. Renjun agrees, if Jeno can't handle it then he'll take his, no problem.

But Jeno _can_ handle it. He can handle a lot, it turns out. He had a surprisingly high alcohol tolerance, Renjun was already tipsy but he was still laughing with Jisung about something regarding the kingdom's political state.

He was in the middle of it when Renjun excused himself for a smoke. "Will you be okay?"

"I'm slightly tipsy, but I can handle myself. Call me when I'm not back in 10 minutes," Renjun reassures him.

The younger boy nods, and Renjun exists the club through their back door. He takes a stick out and almost lights it, when someone snatches his cigarette.

"No smoking, fucking moron."

Renjun was about to throw a punch, _who the fuck...?_ Until he sees- it's Lee Donghyuck. The most annoying little shit with the tightest little ass.

"Hyuck!" He pulls him into a hug, laughing. "I haven't seen you in a while! What the hell!"

Donghyuck laughs too, patting Renjun's back and shaking his hand. "Damn, you're drunk, aren't you?"

"Just a little tipsy." Renjun blushes. _Not a little, a lot._ "Are you with someone?"

"Yeah man, Na Jaemin's inside. I think."

"No way!"

"Yes way." He chuckles, before putting a cigarette stick between his lips. He lights it up and was about to speak, until the back door creaks. "Oh, speaking of the devil."

Jaemin comes out of the back door, his vape in hand. They all make fun of him for juuling, but he does it anyway. He still thinks it's _cool_.

They greet each other with a kiss, Jaemin's hand reaching and squeezing Renjun's ass, and Renjun twisting Jaemin's nipple. It was always fun, always made them laugh. After the kiss, Jaemin licks a stripe on Renjun's jaw. Renjun giggles. " _Gay_."

"Shut up." He takes a hit from his juul. Oh, it doesn't ever fail in making Renjun laugh. "Who you with?"

"Hyuck."

"No shit," Jaemin laughs. "I mean inside."

"Chenle, Jisung," The usual. He added, "and Jeno came along."

"Oh?" Both Donghyuck and Jaemin said at the same time.

"Yeah. We had a whole argument because of you, you know. You called me while I was having brunch with him." Renjun sucks on his cigarette, before passing it onto Jaemin, who takes it.

The devil chuckles, "Brunch with the prince, how lovely. Did you suck his dick after, like the good servant, peasant boyfriend that you are?"

"Do shut up."

His phone vibrates in his pocket and he opens the message. It's from Jeno. He hears Jaemin sneer from beside him, _Motherfucker didn't deny it._

 **baobei**

_where are you?_

_it's been 10 minutes_

**my love**

_I'm outside_

_hyuck and jaemin are here_

**baobei**

_oh_

_can I go there_

**my love**

_go take the back door_

"Who's that? Don't tell me you're five-timing me?" Jaemin laughs and takes a peek at Renjun's phone. He sees their picture, a selfie of Jeno and Renjun on Renjun's bed earlier this day. He snorts, taking another hit of his juul. "His Majesty,"

"He's on his way, _behave_. No dirty jokes." Renjun, almost unable to tell them with a straight face, says. "He's sensitive," The three men resume smoking, polluting their lungs stick after stick. Jeno comes out of the back door a few minutes later, dripping in sweat.

Renjun was pushed up on a wall by Jaemin, who has a cigarette between his lips now. _Fuck juuling_ , he says, his cheek on Renjun's. When the older boy sees Jeno, he immediately pushes Jaemin's chest off of his, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. He walks over to Jeno and welcomes him. He's slightly more sober now, he knows Jeno would've rather not seen that view.

Renjun hugs him, locking lips with him as soon as he gets there. He notices his sweaty appearance soon after, "Woah, what's going on?"

The younger boy looked down on the ground, digging his heel, seeming embarrassing. "I walked into someone having sex. I thought that was the back door."

Donghyuck and Jaemin, being the demons that they are, laugh at Jeno. "Dude, you're a comedian."

Renjun defends his boyfriend, "I hate you, shut up, Hyuck."

"Make me, Princess." Renjun flashes his middle finger towards him, before taking Jeno's hand and putting it on his waist.

"Where's Chenle and Jisung?" The oldest of the four asks Jeno once he's realized that they're missing from the bunch. 

"Still there. Making out," Jeno pouts.

"Aw," Renjun coos. "Were you jealous, my love?"

Jeno nods like a baby. He steps closer to Renjun and the light finally shines on him. He's got a serious case of asian flush, but it somehow makes him more attractive. Renjun locks their hips together, breathing hot air into Jeno's skin. He hears Hyuck and Jaemin telling him that they're gonna go inside, but he couldn't care less. Jeno looks hot. All sweaty, all red. In a silk shirt.

Their lips finally meet, a mess of tongues and saliva. Renjun jumps on Jeno, his legs now on his hips, and Jeno backs the both of them toward a wall. When Renjun's back hits the cement, he moans into Jeno's mouth, and he feels Jeno push their bodies even closer. They make out like animals, drunk out of their minds, until they hear the back door _creak_. Only his friends have access to the back door, _so who the fuck is this?_

Panic takes over the two, Renjun immediately hops off Jeno and observes the two bodies. _Are you lost?_ Renjun wants to ask.

But they're girls, his grandmother always taught him to be nice to women. He takes a glance at Jeno, who looks _horrified_. He was caught in a compromising position by average people, who most likely would discuss it with their friends, maybe even sell it to a Gossip news company. The girls see the prince and their eyes immediately widen. "P-Prince Jeno?"

And they recognize Renjun after. "Sir Huang-"

"Yes, we know who we are." He digs around his pocket, he remembers he brought a little bit of cash. When he doesn't feel anything, he realizes he probably misplaced them or already used them to pay drinks or whatever, so he reaches for anything. The problem is, _he doesn't have anything._

Then, he sees that his hands are full of _rings_ , six to be exact. He takes one off his pinkie, "Here's a Chanel Camelia ring. 18K white gold, diamonds too." He explains. The girls look bewildered, but he continues, "You can keep it, as long as you keep your mouth shut."

The girls stood there, stunned. But they don't say anything, so Renjun takes it as compliance. He wants to make sure, so he leans over the space between the girls, murmuring, "I'll remember you."

Renjun tosses his ring towards the girl, who looks only a week older than 18 to be honest, and walks off with Jeno's hand on his. When they reach the booth, now with Jaemin and Hyuck, he whispers into Jeno's ear, _you found that hot, didn't you?_

The younger boy didn't answer him, at least in words. He feels Jeno's hand inch closer to the inside of his thigh, then higher up, until they reach his trouser's button. At that point, the group was having a normal conversation (how tight of a fuck a certain actor was, courtesy of Jaemin), so Renjun shot him a look. Jeno leaned into his ear, all feline-like, and whispered, _just until here._

He kept his word, they went home at about half past 3, successfully avoiding semi public sex. Renjun's not exactly comfortable with that, he's afraid. When they went out of the club, there were a couple of dozing off reporters, but some still managed to take pictures of Jeno. He had his head down the whole time and both his hands over his face, so they can't see that he's absolutely, terribly shitfaced, so good call on his part.

Thankfully, when Jeno woke up in Renjun's bed the morning after, the night and its events didn't spread that much. Most of the online articles just explained that Prince Jeno was on a night out, not that he was obviously drunk as hell and out of his mind. Renjun guesses it's when image manipulation comes in handy.

Renjun made sure to check all tags concerning the girls with the ring, and thankfully he can't find anything online. He silently thanks the girls, hoping to meet them again and treat them to a cocktail next time. _They're nice._

Renjun and Jeno were woken up by none other than Mark Lee, knocking relentlessly on Renjun's door. Renjun groans, but opens the door naked as fuck, not bothering to even put his silk robe on. He has a couple of marks all over his body, but he couldn't care less. He wonders if he's ever had a worse occurring hangover.

Mark Lee avoids looking at Renjun's groin the whole time he says, "Sir, I would like to inform you that His Majesty, Prince Jeno, is needed at the palace right now. The King demands his presence by lunch."

Jeno hears the conversation all the way from his place, on Renjun's bed. "Lunch? We have loads of time, then."

Mark, still avoiding looking at Renjun's dick (with Renjun enjoying it too much), tells the prince, "With all due respect, sir, it's 11:30."

"You're kidding."

"I'm afraid not."

"Shit."

Jeno gets ready in record time, putting on his knitted vest and slacks that he meant to wear the night before. He doesn't bother with showering, just borrows Renjun's toothbrush and asks Renjun for help with his hair. After he takes a half bath in cologne, he makes his way to the Palace.

**my love**

_be careful baby_

**baobei**

_I will_

_just, whatever happens, I love you_

**my love**

_you're scaring me, stupid >:( _

While waiting for Jeno's reply, Renjun has late lunch with his grandparents. They take notice of the necklace of hickies visible for everyone to see and remind him that while youth is fun, he should also be mindful of the consequences. Ya da, ya da, ya da, elders knowing better, basically. _Fuck them boomers._

He's just _kidding_. He loves them with his whole heart. But even though he loves them, he's still going to have whiskey in the middle of the day and still smoke a pack of cigarettes, maybe two everyday for the rest of his life. Or until he gets tired of it. _Fuck the consequences_.

Jeno finally replies at half past 6 in the afternoon.

**baobei**

_so ... they're mad_

**my love**

_about what_

**baobei**

_everything basically_

_they asked me where I learned how to party_

_and drink_

_and do stupid, careless stuff like this_

**my love**

_did u tell them it was all me_

_u rat_

**baobei**

_of course not_

**my love**

_aw_

_love you_

The King and Queen were mad, but they were also understanding. Through Jeno kind of (?) guilt tripping them into finally having him experience a normal childhood and youth...hood, they finally allowed him. He took it gradually, of course. He only went out every weekend, sometimes not even, when he has a particularly important event in the morning. Then it turned into twice every week, but the transition felt more natural than anything.

The prince eventually fits in with the crowd at Bart's, to Renjun's surprise. He's not sticking out like a thumb anymore, he shows some of his moves on the dance floor, orders shots for the gang, and even invites Renjun to go outside, through the back door. He's finally becoming less of a prince, more of a commoner. _In the best way possible._

Renjun thinks he's starting to love him more and more, if that was even possible. Still, his wish for Jeno to become an average person, therefore erasing his identity of being prince, still remains. He can't help it, he thinks. It's always the root of their arguments. Not one time though, one time, it's the root of more wishful thinking.

" _Baobei_ ," Renjun starts. They lay on the couch of the attic, both watching the stars glimmering outside the window. Jeno shifts, his dick print rubbing Renjun's thigh, causing them to laugh. Jeno hums. "I want to be a _star_."

"Hm?"

"I want to be a star." He faces Jeno, completely serious. "To give hope to idiots, to shine brighter than anyone. To be surrounded by complete darkness and use it to my advantage."

Kissing his lover's forehead and hugging him tightly, he almost proclaims to the heavens, "Oh, how great would it be if I were a star. Maybe in another life."

After Renjun places a kiss on his forehead, then nose, then lips, Jeno's eyes flutter open. He looks at Renjun with love, like those actors in that teen flick they watched when they were kids. Jeno smiles, thinking about their memories, thinking about Renjun. Renjun must've thought Jeno was laughing at his mini speech, probably thinking that he's gone mad. But Jeno defends himself, "I'm not laughing at you. I'm empathizing, come on."

The older boy raises his brow, _really..._ so Jeno continues his monologue. "I sometimes think about what I want to be in my next life to. We really never know, right?

"I'm a prince now but I could be a peasant, a tax collector during the time of Jesus, or even a fucking robot in the future. Even better, a _Martian_." Jeno laughs and so does Renjun, who only pulls him tighter. They're ridiculous. "But you know what, my love?"

"What?" Renjun replies.

"Mostly, I want to be reborn an average man. A man who works for every cent, who puts in blood sweat and tears into his career. Who's passionate and hard working, not divinely chosen and fated to rule a country. I've had enough." Jeno spits, clearly serious about it. Renjun sits up, Jeno's head now on his lap. He was in a playful mood, and he thought Jeno was too, but certainly not.

"You want to be a lower rank?" He clarifies.

"Don't you?"

Just because Jeno's not in a playful mood doesn't mean Renjun has to be serious too. He can't take serious right now. He's high off an orgasm, "I'm perfectly fine with the amount of riches I have now, darling."

"Well. I'm not. I think it's all too much, I'm more of a laid back kind of guy." Jeno proudly says.

Renjun scoffs, "You couldn't survive in a _suburban house_ , let's not get ahead of ourselves, Jeno."

Did Jeno really just stick his tongue out at me? Perhaps they're both playful now. "Shut up. If I'm reborn an ordinary man, and you still the same stable, respected aristocrat, then perhaps we'd be allowed to proclaim how crazy we are for each other. Kiss in public, hold hands in public, have the same rights as any other couple in this age and time."

Agreeing, Renjun hums. Renjun's hands creep upward Jeno's side, eventually resting on his shoulders. There, he traces circles. "What if I'm reborn, a star?"

There was a pregnant pause. Renjun could tell that Jeno was thinking hard about the words coming out of his mouth, concocting them in a way that he'd be satisfied. 

Renjun hopes Jeno's figured out the perfect thought when he says, "Then I'd look at you every night, tell you how beautiful you are, how you shine like no other. I'd treat you how I've treated you, I don't care if you were a star."

He could cry, right here, right now. If he were a star, he wouldn't be able to touch Jeno, much less trace circles down his shoulders without burning up on contact. If he were a star, he would have to be miles, light years away from him, whereas in this life, he couldn't even bear it when the other was in another municipality. He doesn't want to be a star anymore. He wants to stay the same. Like how they were _fated_ to be, like how the _universe_ put them together, always next to each other.

The older boy wipes his tears, lowering his head so that his cheek could rest on Jeno's forehead. He says in the most hushed tone he could ever conjure, "Fuck, Jeno. You really love me, huh?"

"I do." Jeno replies just as softly, like if he spoke another decibel more than this then he'd shatter an invisible glass bubble protecting the two of them from everything in the outside world.  
  


With the marriage inching nearer and nearer, Renjun finds himself seeking solace in alcohol. He's out almost every night, either at Bart's, Donghyuck's or Jaemin's. Even if he showers he still reeks of vodka and cigarettes, his two fingers on his right hand permanently smelling like nicotine. Awful.

But it's all he does to cope. Alcohol and other vices became the only replacements to his old coping mechanism, the silent treatment, besides making his whole life into jokes, poking fun of his own struggles instead of seeing an actual therapist. It's a sad life, but he has to deal with it. He wants Jeno, he loves him more than anything, but he's getting married to a fucking woman. In just a few short months. And Renjun will be what, his _mistress_? _What the fuck?_

It was a cold, nearly freezing winter morning when Jeno suddenly brings a topic up Renjun thought would never, ever be brought up. Solely on the reason that he thinks it's not fair.

"You tell me you hate my status all the time, do I have permission to tell you what I hate about you?"

"I thought you loved everything about me." Renjun wouldn't admit it, but he's slightly tipsy. And when he's slightly tipsy, god pray the whole upper east side of the kingdom takes notice. He's more flirty, more playful ... especially with Jeno.

But maybe this Jeno isn't aware. Maybe he doesn't know that just five hours ago, Renjun was at Bart's, downing a Jager right out of the bottle. Maybe he doesn't know because he sounds almost... serious. Particularly because he clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes, sounding exhausted, when he says, "I hate that you make out with people other than me. I taste them, you know."

"And what do they taste like?" Tipsy Renjun almost smiles. He thought Jeno was joking. _Do they taste like lies, or do they send you into a memory lane trip where I was the one getting hitched?_ Renjun almost says, but ultimately decides that it was too mean. Too... truthful.

Too serious, like how Jeno's being right now. "Completely different from you. Un... heavenly."

"I'll stop making out with them if you do something about your status, _Prince Jeno_. Strip yourself from all your titles, move out of the palace, change your name, make a fake passport, anything. _Everything_."

Silence. Renjun faces him with a smile but Jeno looks gloomier than ever. Like he had seen a ghost. Renjun was just joking, it was again, a joke in which he mixed his real emotions, how he _really_ feels, into it too much. 

He was about to say sorry when Jeno cuts him off. "You know I can't do that, my love."

Renjun smiles again, hoping to lighten up the mood. He can see a tear or two escape Jeno's eyes. He genuinely feels _so_ sorry. But accepting apologies at this point makes it more unbearable, like they're real and they're not just harmless jokes anymore. To Renjun, almost everything is a joke. That's how he deals with things nowadays.

Renjun kisses the tip of Jeno's nose, pinching it with his hand a bit, trying to draw out at least a tiny giggle from him. "If you can't do it then I can't do it too, Jeno."

But he does do it. He stops going out, getting way too drunk and sitting on other people's laps without a clue in the slightest as to who they are. He stops meeting with Donghyuck and Jaemin without Jeno too. The thought of Jeno tasting other people when he's supposed to be kissing Renjun, the love of his life, wakes Renjun up from the nightmare that he was living.

He began to realize that Jeno _couldn't help_ his engagement. He was forced to it by his parents who think they've got a clue on how to run a country just because their ancestors did. So rather than taking revenge on Jeno for something he had no control over, he decides to comfort him. To be committed to him and _only him_. To understand who he is and what he has to deal with, what he has to swallow. Somehow he thinks it's all worth it. Like... _Jeno's_ all worth it.

"Do you know you're all worth it?" Renjun asks while he has Jeno's tongue on his throat, his lap under Renjun's hips and his cigarette way too close to his bare skin. It was hard, but with bated breaths, he managed to say it.

Jeno pants, "What?"

"I said, you're worth it." Worth leaving everyone else. "Tell me Jeno, do I still taste different?"

The young prince continued the lifestyle until his engagement turned into... a break up. The princess had enough of his face being all over the internet, pictures taken outside of clubs and social restaurants, and her parents eventually deemed Jeno unworthy of their daughter. At first, his parents were furious. They were really looking forward to gracing the presence of a third in line for the throne, aka Jeno's offspring, so they were understandably enraged when Jeno told them about it.

Until they found out her parents bad mouthed not only Jeno, but even his whole family. They heard from a family friend that, over a state dinner, the princess's parents went on about the King and Queen having orchestrated a "fairytale-like love story" in order to fool the public, while the princess's parents were to blame for it too. Jeno's parents' anger on him immediately dissipated, moving onto another person, his ex fiancée. They called her, and Renjun is directly quoting Jeno who was directly quoting his mother, " _ugly as fuck."_ Going as far as comparing her to a _"Loch Ness monster, or a dinosaur during the Triassic era"_. Cruel, but deserved.

"So, single man." Renjun crawls up to Jeno's face. They're in the living room of Renjun's estate in the outskirts of the kingdom, a small brick house once belonging to his parents.

"I'm not single," Jeno pecks him on the lips. Brows wriggling playfully in front of Renjun, taunting him. "I'm literally staring at my boyfriend right now."

Jeno's hands trail up Renjun's arms, his shoulders, his chest, his neck and his jaw. "My beautiful, beautiful boyfriend."

"Secret boyfriend," Renjun says in between kisses. Jeno hums in agreement.

"Yes." At that point, they've decided to accept it. That they'll never be out, never hold hands in public, never even kiss. But it's okay. Behind closed doors, Jeno's Renjun's and Renjun's his, always.

The level of security they now have in one another have doubled over the past few months. They realized that it makes absolutely no sense to try to change anything because Jeno is who he is, and his titles and status make him the person that he is as much as his personality does. It's the first thing people notice about him, it's _really_ who he is. Jeno is not just _a_ prince, he's _the_ prince. The only successor to the throne, sure to rule this country someday. It's no use trying to wish for a normal life, where they're not rich, not known, certainly not royal. 

They just have to wait for the next life, where they'll undoubtedly meet each other again. Where they'll fall in love under different circumstances, but _equally_ , infinitely just as hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this mess! it was edited very little and the whole plot was only a shower thought i had one morning. i wrote the whole thing for like 5 hours the following night! so i apologize if it's not very well written ,,  
> next chapter is an epilogue many many years later. warning: major character deaths, and overall just sadness skhdskksjd just stop here if you don't want to read it!


	2. this is forever

Epilogue

**The Daily News, Year 2089**

This country wasn't always democratic. It was ruled by a royal lineage for centuries until its demise in 2056. The last king, King Jeno never had a Queen consort. It was largely rumored that up until his death and subsequent end of his rule (and the whole monarchy) in 2056, he had a relationship with his childhood friend, Huang Renjun.

They frequently exchanged highly suggestive letters, one reading:

> Renjun, you say love is hard. Love is hard, for the emotion eventually turns into a choice somewhere down the road. Like waking up is a choice, loving becomes a choice. Loving to forgive, choosing to forgive, choosing to love. The cycle goes on for many different verbs. 

> Some love though, become chores. As if it’s an obligation to love them because they’re family, not because they’re good for you; like you have to love them because they already love you, so much more than you love them. So you feel guilt in you. But not with some people. Some people, you love naturally. It doesn’t become tiring, but it’s still a choice. The difference is, you never get tired of choosing them. Of choosing to love them as much, if not more, than they love you. You see the other option, to quit loving the person and watch the feelings between the two of you wither away like wilted flowers, but you never ever choose it. You’re aware that it’s there, but the choice to love again and again becomes automatic to make. 

> Love is hard, but it’s also great. And it’s led to many great things, it’s made me feel many great feelings. It is wonderful, love, how it can make you feel giddy, motivate you, inspire you to live life one more day, step by step, as long as it’s with the right person.

> I hope you’ve figured out that you're with the right person now, that they make you feel like true love is a choice that you never get tired of choosing. Have a great trip.”

Sir Huang Renjun was an aristocrat, speculated to have been in the same wealthy friend circles the Lee's were in. It was reported that the two often visited clubs in their twenties, then moved on to casinos in their forties, never without the other. "Huang Renjun is one of the greatest, kindest and carefree men I have ever met. This is a great tragedy, a loss, indeed." Lee Donghyuck, close friend of both Sir Huang Renjun and King Jeno.

Also longest ruling King of the kingdom, King Jeno died shortly after his rumored lover passed away on a plane crash, on a mission to find pieces of his birth parents' last residence. The King, filled with grief, reportedly refused food and water for 12 whole days during Sir Huang Renjun's mourning period. 

Eerily, it was revealed that King Jeno did not pass away in his private quarters, but in a small room, specifically the attic, inside the palace.

His death left no heir to the throne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading! hhngggghhh thank u thank u thank YOU!!!


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